- a secret

I have a secret.

I called him. Once he said "hello" - i dropped the call.

I am the happiest girl. Yeay!

- #MH 3.0

Dear Boo,
It is not easy to live with the guilty feelings in me. To see MH grows from a boy to a man. It is happy and sad to see his transition.

But, part of me, frankly speaking i still want the old version of him. Not to say that i dont want to see him to move.

Dear Boo,
Two years ago we were separated due to almost the same issue. Miscommunication. He chose to silent. I chose not to ask. And, we chose to end the relationship. I think now, it happens again. Will the friendship ends?

Dear Boo,
Do you what hurts me more? He IGNORES me.

Dear Boo,
I lost -

Jzkk.

- cuteness overload

Stalking him? Bukanlah. I am happy to see him in that mood. Sexy.

PM die? Nak buat apa. He is not talking to me. Die maksudkan org lain. Ex-gf die. Maybe. Ex-gf yg mane acik x pasti. Or maybe, a future gf. Who knows.

Takpe. Acik mengalah kt situ. Tgk dr jauh je.

Jzkk.

- kahwin v3.0

Paranoid. Me.

Hmm.

- bimbang

Hey, i start to limit my words -

Taknak lebih-lebih. Nanti salah cakap lg. Taip, delete. Taip, delete. Yg tinggal 1 patah perkataan je. *ehe!

Rasa mcm bukan diri sendiri pun ada. Tapi selagi tak sakitkan hati org lain, ada baik nya kan?

Good night.

- kahwin v2.0

I really respect to those who could live together dgn keadaan "seadanya". Ada, ada. Takde, kita usaha.

Nana - " tak teringin nak kawin ke cik? Seronok tau kawin ni. Tak teringin ke kalau dah tua nti kau sibuk nak tunggu anak-anak cucu kau balik beraya dgn kau nanti? Tak bosan ke hidup sorang?"

Cinta - "umur you dah 30. Mmg tak plan nak kawin ke?"

Let me tell you 1001 reasons why i feel like i am not ready yet.

Jzkk.

- i dont know how to say NO

Especially to a request.

I just notice that i hv that bad habit. Whenever ppl make a req, i will hardly say NO. I dont know why. But according to a motivator, i am not the only person who has the issue. Well, you can see this situation clearly when someone is begging for something and that person will try to say "no" due to some circumstances but eventually will say "yes" even though he does not want to do it.

Mm. Tolonglah paham dgn org yg ada masalah mcm ni -

Buat salah, tak buat salah.

I hv a situation whereby i was totally exhausted. Restless - my plan was, masuk keje 7pg - 4ptg. Balik and tido. Pkul 12tgh mlm nak keluar since my friend was here i hve to fetch him up at Nilai area. Esoknya my shift will be at 7am lg ni.

Tapi, we have a plan but HE is the best planner. Out of sudden my team ajak lepak Williams! Fyi, Williams kt PJ ekh. Plan nak lepak lepas maghrib. Around 8pm la kan? Then what? I have to wait from 4pm until 8pm? Then makan2 nak settle dlm pkul 10pm? Then nak balik rumah yg kt Seremban and keluar balik pukul 12? Oh.mai.gat -

I was really stuck. I dont want to say yes but in the same time i cant say no.

Apa yg I buat? BERDOA supaya plan nak lepak Williams tu tak jadi. And, yes! Allah makbulkan doa. Plan tu tak jadi. My TL decided to cancel the plan. Alhamdulillah.
Back to the topic -

How will i reject a request? I will reject the request before the person makes her request. Normally i buat strategy bila shopping with my mum.

Mum : Along tak teringin ke nak belanja mak lunch?

Me : boleh. But no buffet lunch. No shopping. Kite keluar just utk lunch je tau?

WHY I HAVE TO REJECT UPFRONT?

I personally taknak org rasa kecewa bila i x dapat penuhi impian org tu. SERIOUSLY. I know the feelings. For me, selagi dlm daya i utk i buat i akan buat.

TAPI -

Bukan semua org boleh baca niat kita like kita pun x paham niat org. Org tu bergurau kita pulak yg serious ingat org tu tgh serious. Kan?

Anyway, i learned and i am learning.

Jzkk.

- back on my business

Sedih.

Every time when i read his words, confirm bergenang air mata.

But! On the other hand, it gives me a challenge.

Chin up. I am a big girl! :)

- tak selesa

Especially when start to talk about your private part to me. If you are a girl, fine. The problem is you are not -

Somehow, what makes you so comfortable to talk about all of this (read it as "private part") to me? I did not start the dirty conversation at all. I nvr asked but he offers me to give the answer.

I start to feel not comfortable. :(

Since he starts to be so open, i think i have to kill the excitement.

Terpaksa la sound direct. Buat muka not interested.

Hopefully he will understand. Hmm.

Jzkk.

- awak cari saya?

Tapi saya dah taknak cari awak lg dah. Awak pun pandai jaga diri sendiri kan? You're a big boy now.

Saya dah penat.

Saya nak rehat.

Jzkk.

- kahwin v1.0

To some days, i feel like i am ready to marry someone like him a.k.a #MH but to some other days, i just want to live free.

Fawra - "adik lelaki aku dah kawin. Die x keje pun. Semua bini die tanggung. Drpd majlis kawin sampai la hidup skrg ni. Die nak keje pun xleh sbb sakit. Mak aku mula2 segan gak tp dah perempuan tu beriya sgt. Mak aku bg je la. Perempuan tu pun die kate tak kisah. Cuma jgn bg tahu mak ayah die la."

Bendly - "mana ada yg boleh sama 100%. Kembar pun lain2. Kalau sudah suka, kamu kahwin sajalah. Manusia boleh berubah. Lelaki sesetengahnya ada sejenis manusia yg belajar bila die sudah berkomitmen."

Me - clueless.

Jzkk.

- #MH 2.0

Salam alaik. Hye!

Well, hye. I am in a mission to look for my future husband where actually i need a person who is exactly copycat my #MH.

Tak kisah la lvl of edu setakat itu. Tak kisah la keje hanya seada yg mampu. But, yes. That's all i need. The simple and easy him.

Only now i understand why Adele's song titled Someone Like You -

Why not the #MH? Because he is taken.

Lets the hunt begins. Jzkk.

- leave

Salam alaik. Hello and hye.

I have just stalked my boss's FB. Surprisingly, he is inspiring me. Thank you Abg Wan.

Long after that, i scrolled my whatsapp contacts. Hmm. Fyi, i block one of my bfs's number. I am sorry. But i have too.

It was a miserable relationship.

Dear ABCDEFGHim,

Thank you for everything. But our relationship has no ends.

Jzkk.