- mereka

I just finished my shift by 7.00pm today. Not really "just" since i come out later that schedule.

Entah kenapa hari ni memilih utk stop over kt RnR Dengkil. Initially, nak tapau and blah but i chose to stay for a while.

Accompanied by 2 cups of coffee and my phone, i took this moments to analyse my surrounding. Datang, utk makan atau melepaskan lelah.

Memerhati 1 demi 1 wajah yg penat dan lapar, jujurnya buat rasa tersentuh. Terfikir, one of them maybe pernah call nak tanye berkenaan masalah network, baki akaun, charge utk bill etc.

Ya Rabb, moga tak ada antara mereka ini yg pernah terima makian yg tidak selayaknya. #eh

Jzkk.

- taf day

Me : hye. Welcome to customer first helpline. My name is Qi. How may i assist you today?

Customer: i nak cakap dgn manager. I nak buat complaint pasal sim card i yg amik masa lebih drpd 24H utk aktif. I tukar my simcard dekat center Kuching. Then, i pergi KL kt ampang point. Mintak tunggu 4 jam. Lepas tu i call lg.. Mintak lg sampai mlm. Sampai i fly ke kuching balik, i pergi center kuching, baru dpt aktif kan sim card. Nak tahu. You guys mmg xde rase nak bg pampasan ke? Takde rase nak bertanggungjawab ke utk sim card i yg tak dpt nak aktif utk 4 hari tu?

Me: sy semak semula cik. Cik nak bercakap dgn manager berkenaan dgn isu sim card yg aktif lebih drpd 24jam tu ye?

Customer: ya Allah awak tak dgr ke ape yg sy cakap td? Skrg ni sy kena tukar sim card. Puncanya sbb sy tak boleh gunakan internet. Then, bila i call center, one of your friends kate i kena tukar simcard. Then bila dh tukar, simcard tak dpt aktifkan. Bila simcard dh aktif internet masih tak boleh pakai jugak.

Me: sy mintak maaf berkenaan masalah tu cik. Tp sy nampak kt sini cik ade 2 isu. Yg pertama, berkaitan dgn panggilan semula dpt manager utk simcard yg ambil masa utk aktif lebih drpd 24jam. Dan yg kedua masalah internet yg tak boleh digunakan walaupun cik dah tukar simcard. Berkenaan dgn panggilan drpd manager itu, sy akan dptkan manager sy utk buat panggilan semula dlm tempoh 5 hari bekerja. Dan utk masalah internet sy akan rujuk kes ni kepada bahagian teknikal dan teknikal akan buat panggilan semula dlm tempoh 24jam.

Customer: nak tunggu 24 jam lagi?EH? KORANG KT SANA NI BUAT KEJE KE BUAT APE? KE GOYANG KAKI? DAH ENGKAU NI BUAT APE? GOYANG T*T*K?

Me: sy mintak maaf cik. Kalau cik terus menggunakan kata-kata kesat, sy terpaksa batalkan talian sekarang.

Customer: KAU DAH KENAPA B*TINA? (tah amende lg die mencarut)

Me: sy mintak maaf cik. Sekiranya tidak ada apa2 lg yg boleh sy bantu sy terpaksa batalkan talian sekarang. Terima kasih kerana membuat panggilan. Bye.

[Talian diputuskan]

The next second, i checked the report and i saw she made another call and complaint on me by claiming that i refused to assist her. *yeay!

- a secret

I have a secret.

I called him. Once he said "hello" - i dropped the call.

I am the happiest girl. Yeay!

- #MH 3.0

Dear Boo,
It is not easy to live with the guilty feelings in me. To see MH grows from a boy to a man. It is happy and sad to see his transition.

But, part of me, frankly speaking i still want the old version of him. Not to say that i dont want to see him to move.

Dear Boo,
Two years ago we were separated due to almost the same issue. Miscommunication. He chose to silent. I chose not to ask. And, we chose to end the relationship. I think now, it happens again. Will the friendship ends?

Dear Boo,
Do you what hurts me more? He IGNORES me.

Dear Boo,
I lost -

Jzkk.

- cuteness overload

Stalking him? Bukanlah. I am happy to see him in that mood. Sexy.

PM die? Nak buat apa. He is not talking to me. Die maksudkan org lain. Ex-gf die. Maybe. Ex-gf yg mane acik x pasti. Or maybe, a future gf. Who knows.

Takpe. Acik mengalah kt situ. Tgk dr jauh je.

Jzkk.

- kahwin v3.0

Paranoid. Me.

Hmm.

- bimbang

Hey, i start to limit my words -

Taknak lebih-lebih. Nanti salah cakap lg. Taip, delete. Taip, delete. Yg tinggal 1 patah perkataan je. *ehe!

Rasa mcm bukan diri sendiri pun ada. Tapi selagi tak sakitkan hati org lain, ada baik nya kan?

Good night.

- kahwin v2.0

I really respect to those who could live together dgn keadaan "seadanya". Ada, ada. Takde, kita usaha.

Nana - " tak teringin nak kawin ke cik? Seronok tau kawin ni. Tak teringin ke kalau dah tua nti kau sibuk nak tunggu anak-anak cucu kau balik beraya dgn kau nanti? Tak bosan ke hidup sorang?"

Cinta - "umur you dah 30. Mmg tak plan nak kawin ke?"

Let me tell you 1001 reasons why i feel like i am not ready yet.

Jzkk.

- i dont know how to say NO

Especially to a request.

I just notice that i hv that bad habit. Whenever ppl make a req, i will hardly say NO. I dont know why. But according to a motivator, i am not the only person who has the issue. Well, you can see this situation clearly when someone is begging for something and that person will try to say "no" due to some circumstances but eventually will say "yes" even though he does not want to do it.

Mm. Tolonglah paham dgn org yg ada masalah mcm ni -

Buat salah, tak buat salah.

I hv a situation whereby i was totally exhausted. Restless - my plan was, masuk keje 7pg - 4ptg. Balik and tido. Pkul 12tgh mlm nak keluar since my friend was here i hve to fetch him up at Nilai area. Esoknya my shift will be at 7am lg ni.

Tapi, we have a plan but HE is the best planner. Out of sudden my team ajak lepak Williams! Fyi, Williams kt PJ ekh. Plan nak lepak lepas maghrib. Around 8pm la kan? Then what? I have to wait from 4pm until 8pm? Then makan2 nak settle dlm pkul 10pm? Then nak balik rumah yg kt Seremban and keluar balik pukul 12? Oh.mai.gat -

I was really stuck. I dont want to say yes but in the same time i cant say no.

Apa yg I buat? BERDOA supaya plan nak lepak Williams tu tak jadi. And, yes! Allah makbulkan doa. Plan tu tak jadi. My TL decided to cancel the plan. Alhamdulillah.
Back to the topic -

How will i reject a request? I will reject the request before the person makes her request. Normally i buat strategy bila shopping with my mum.

Mum : Along tak teringin ke nak belanja mak lunch?

Me : boleh. But no buffet lunch. No shopping. Kite keluar just utk lunch je tau?

WHY I HAVE TO REJECT UPFRONT?

I personally taknak org rasa kecewa bila i x dapat penuhi impian org tu. SERIOUSLY. I know the feelings. For me, selagi dlm daya i utk i buat i akan buat.

TAPI -

Bukan semua org boleh baca niat kita like kita pun x paham niat org. Org tu bergurau kita pulak yg serious ingat org tu tgh serious. Kan?

Anyway, i learned and i am learning.

Jzkk.

- back on my business

Sedih.

Every time when i read his words, confirm bergenang air mata.

But! On the other hand, it gives me a challenge.

Chin up. I am a big girl! :)

- tak selesa

Especially when start to talk about your private part to me. If you are a girl, fine. The problem is you are not -

Somehow, what makes you so comfortable to talk about all of this (read it as "private part") to me? I did not start the dirty conversation at all. I nvr asked but he offers me to give the answer.

I start to feel not comfortable. :(

Since he starts to be so open, i think i have to kill the excitement.

Terpaksa la sound direct. Buat muka not interested.

Hopefully he will understand. Hmm.

Jzkk.

- awak cari saya?

Tapi saya dah taknak cari awak lg dah. Awak pun pandai jaga diri sendiri kan? You're a big boy now.

Saya dah penat.

Saya nak rehat.

Jzkk.

- kahwin v1.0

To some days, i feel like i am ready to marry someone like him a.k.a #MH but to some other days, i just want to live free.

Fawra - "adik lelaki aku dah kawin. Die x keje pun. Semua bini die tanggung. Drpd majlis kawin sampai la hidup skrg ni. Die nak keje pun xleh sbb sakit. Mak aku mula2 segan gak tp dah perempuan tu beriya sgt. Mak aku bg je la. Perempuan tu pun die kate tak kisah. Cuma jgn bg tahu mak ayah die la."

Bendly - "mana ada yg boleh sama 100%. Kembar pun lain2. Kalau sudah suka, kamu kahwin sajalah. Manusia boleh berubah. Lelaki sesetengahnya ada sejenis manusia yg belajar bila die sudah berkomitmen."

Me - clueless.

Jzkk.

- #MH 2.0

Salam alaik. Hye!

Well, hye. I am in a mission to look for my future husband where actually i need a person who is exactly copycat my #MH.

Tak kisah la lvl of edu setakat itu. Tak kisah la keje hanya seada yg mampu. But, yes. That's all i need. The simple and easy him.

Only now i understand why Adele's song titled Someone Like You -

Why not the #MH? Because he is taken.

Lets the hunt begins. Jzkk.

- leave

Salam alaik. Hello and hye.

I have just stalked my boss's FB. Surprisingly, he is inspiring me. Thank you Abg Wan.

Long after that, i scrolled my whatsapp contacts. Hmm. Fyi, i block one of my bfs's number. I am sorry. But i have too.

It was a miserable relationship.

Dear ABCDEFGHim,

Thank you for everything. But our relationship has no ends.

Jzkk.

- Syawal, please welcome!

Masih bersarang rasa rimas. Masih berbuku rasa tak puas. Masih tak cukup rasa ikhlas.

Penangan dosa -

Sampai hilang nikmat taubat.

Jumpa punca. Tp masih hilang arah haluan utk bermula.

Mana mungkin.

Jazakallah.

- bukan Ramadhan yg terbaik

Betapa kalau tahun - tahun sebelum ini, selagi terdaya akan kumpul kekuatan utk berterawikh.

Membudayakan yg sunat.

Memudahkan apa saja yg sukar.

Kali ini betapa kisahnya berbeza. Mudah leka. Mudah hanyut. Menjadi the other side of me.

... or the real me? *hmm!

Tipu kalau kata tak sedar. Bohong kalau kata tak rasa.

Bimbang.

Jazakallah.

- last.

Lepas ni dah xnak nanges lg dah!

To awak - Terima kasih awak sebab ada utk kita dlm waktu-waktu mcm ni. I know you feel hurt. Awak pun tahu yg kita dah cuba kan? Tapi, terima kasih sbb tetap sudi dengar masalah kita. Pesan awak:

"redhalah kalau dia bukan milik kita" - saya tgh belajar nak redha la ni!

To anis, darling and christ - Kak chi tak kuat sgt la awak. Puas dah kak chi tahan. Hopefully esok boleh kerja elok-elok. Terima kasih sbb bg nasihat yg mengarut. *haha!

I promise to myself - last! :'(

Jzkk.

- boo v.1

Whether you like it or not, my boo is mine.*emo!

Assalamualaikum. Hye readers. I have a bestfriend. My bestfriend ia my ex boyfriend.

Sima : what? Are you serious? Mane ade terms kt dlm dunia ni lelaki and perempuan boleh jd bestfriend. Each of you mst ade some extra feelings. Thats why boleh attach to each other.

Manis and Darling : and now you are saying that you ade scandal ke kak chi? And, your scandal is your ex bf? Goshh. Better you get back to your ex bf je. Rather than ade bf tp attach dgn ex-bf. Pelik.

Hmm. Have a nice day readers. Jetaime.

- temu dan duga

kisahnye. tipu sgt kalau kata tak penat. since i've done everything, maka memang terasa lelahnya. sampai la ke temuduga semalam. i met Mr. Meo - my consultant - finally i decided to register with a consultant. well, to register with a consultant is actually my very last resort.

i started my interview by telling him that i was an ex-staff for DiGi. so, i come back to DiGi as my last opt after i attended 7 interviews. dah nak muntah attend interview. i thot i org paling banyak attended interviews tp tak dapat-dapat. rupanya, ade yg lg banyak! terus-terang i told him yg i memang dah give up. bukan cerewet! tp lebih memilih. well, every smile has its dark secret. no one is perfect, isnt? that's the reason why my prev employer becomes my last resort. tapi, daripada tersadai kt rumah takde buat ape pun, lebih baik terima je offer. kan? and, mungkin after 4 years byk yg dah berubah. who knows.

AND! he told me a story of a candidate -"she attended 15 interviews with salary range from rm1200 to rm1800 but didnt get any positive feedback. finally, on this one fine day she got an offer to attend an interview with Bank Muamalat. yes, she scores the position with rm2500 as her salary. see! you better not to give up. Allah always has a better plan for you. sabar. sikit je lagi. I selalu percaya dengan benda-benda mcm ni. yg penting you jgn give up. He holds you for something better."

hmm. well, brg baik memang mahal harganya. susah pulak nak jumpe. kan? nampak sgt pujuk hati. *haha! btw, after attended a few interviews i start to get a clear picture about what i wanted to do. but, somehow, i have/must follow the rules - if you cant do what you love, at least try to love what you have.

kt situlah temu dan duganya.

jzkk.

- 2015~!

Assalamualaikum. bersawang sgt kan? *haha! 2014 has ended. i had a very tight schedule for my december. a very long weekend travel. Alhamdulillah. semua dah selesai. n now i  am busy with  my job hunting. *hurm!

well, hello 2015. gosh. such a terrified year for me. only now i feel a bit insecure with myself. jobless. single. as if - teruknya nasib kau? am i going to be single for the rest of my life? am i going to live like this everyday? but, why now?

kusut. tergerak hati nak skrol ig. terpandang a post by one of my favourite girls - NSMF. she talked about ad-dhuha. which, all this while i have a wrong perception about dhuha prayer. she reminds me in her post that ad-dhuha sebenarnya lebih kepada utk mendidik hati supaya merasa serba cukup. biar pun kurang, tetap cukup. biar pun tak sempurna, tetap cukup. biar pun tak hebat, tetap cukup. obviously, kalau kita rasa cukup, kita akan sentiasa rasa mudah dan murah rezeki. hebat kan solat dhuha?

kecukupan itulah yg mengajar hati ini utk bersyukur dan bersedia dgn rezeki Dia. cakap pasal rezeki pulak - 

tipu sangat kalau kata tak penat berusaha. but some how, i know He is there for me. He is ready to give what i need when i need it. He knows when i am ready for it. MAKA - tak payah la awak yg tak perlu ni nak berpantun tentang rezeki dan jodoh kita. your concerns are much appreciated. deal? easy. bahagian yg kusut td pun takde la kusut sgt bila hati dah redha. kan?

insyaAllah, tomorrow will be my 6th interview. Alhamdulillah. i know that i am not so qualified for the position but i will try my best.

take care readers. jzkk.